


Tuldok

by Kadi1214



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Smut
Language: Filipino
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27932740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadi1214/pseuds/Kadi1214
Summary: Sex lang ang usapan, malas lang ni Jongin ng ang feelings niya ay sumabit.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	1. Simula

**Author's Note:**

> kaisoo side story of @bigbocks' 'Gitling'.
> 
> @bigbocks, thank you =)

Thesis. If to describe life it could be compared to a thesis, mahirap pakinggan, tila imposibleng lagpasan subalit step by step, with lots of patience and perseverance, at the end of the tunnel, nandoon parin ang liwanag, naghihintay, nag-aabang.

  
Subalit fucking thesis, tumba na si Jongin, parang tanga na nakatago ang mukha sa pagitan ng pahina ng aklat at harapan ng laptop, nag-iisip na ida-drop nalang ang thesis at ienrol nalang next school year.

"Hey you good?"

Jongin looked up, pouted at the familiar face bago inayos ang pagkakaupo when the other person sat on the empty stool next to his.

  
"My thesis prof rejected my thesis proposal..." Jongin paused, messily ruffled his black locks before diving back sa nakabukas na aklat. "..for the third fucking time."

  
"Hmmm, chill." Isang mainit na palad ang naramdaman ni Jongin sa kanyang likod, hinahaplos siya, taming the raging tiger inside him. Up, down, left, right, in circular motion he felt the warmth on his back. Jongin stayed quiet, sleep slowly catching up into his restless brain, and for fucks sake, it's twenty minutes past two o'clock.. In the morning. "How about you get some sleep tonight, take a breather until free na yang utak mo and start again?"

"Start again?" Jongin honestly hated the advice kasi- "Soo, my classmates are even ready for defense tapos ako na wala pang study magchi-chill lang?" Calmness gone, napalitan ng inis si Jongin kasi how can he fucking calm down when he's uncertain if makakapag thesis siya, if he can graduate along with his friends.

It's never easy for Jongin to live as a Kim, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, his family has endless bank accounts but one thing he wanted from his parents that he could impossibly have- _support._

Mayaman man, iisa lang din ang hiningi ng Art student sa kanyang parents, iyon ay suportahan ang kursong kinuha niya, suportahan ang pangarap niya na maging isang mananayaw but instead, his parents disown him pagkatapos niyang lumihis sa Medical at Law world na iginuhit ng mga magulang niya para sa kanya.

To make the story short, Jongin worked his ass off to pay not for just his tuition but also his needs, as a student, as a human being. One thing that keeps him motivated though is his friends na pamilya ang turingan. Friends, sila ang inspirasyon ni Jongin upang mairaos ang expensive shit na kursong kinuha at makagraduate upang maipagmalaki that he can be an independent person na hindi nagtatago sa likod ng apelyidong _Kim_.

"Okay, sorry. I just wanted to help. Mas nakakaawa ka pa kesa sa mga taong grasa sa lansangan eh, ang pinagkaiba niyo lang may laptop at may pang starbucks ka."

"Hahahaha!" The statement from Kyungsoo worked like magic when it made Jongin burst into laughter. He's supposed to feel bad for Kyungsoo telling him to chill at the worst timing pero dahil sa cute na nguso ng kaibigan, natunaw iyon at napalitan ng paru-paro sa tiyan.

"Inaaway mo ko tapos ngayon pagtatawanan mo?"

  
"Okay- sorry, sorry, ARAY! KYUNGSOO! ARAY! MASAKIT!!!"

  
"Ayan, eto pa, saluhin mo lahat!"

  
Ang tahimik na coffee shop, binuhay ng malalakas na pagtawa ni Jongin, binigyang buhay ng malakas na sigaw ni Kyungsoo habang kanyang pinapa-ulanan ng malalakas na suntok ang katropa.

  
  
Not long after, Jongin and Kyungsoo left the coffee shop together, side by side, accompanied by laughter while the two shares corny jokes that aren't even funny.

  
Corny pa sa lolo jokes ng Kuya Junmyeon.  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


Tanging ang ilaw sa tapat ng apartment nila Kyungsoo ang nagbibigay liwanag sa madilim na kalye ng marating ng magkaibigan ang accommodation ng nakakatanda.

Jongin insisted to walk the older home as a compensation for making him feel better. Kyungsoo disagreed though, Jongin is a good friend at bilang isang mabuting kaibigan, his effort to help Jongin doesn't need any payment in return.

Because that what friends are for, sandigan kapag may unos, liwanag kapag nasa dilim, ngiti sa oras ng luha. But well, Jongin insisted and Kyungsoo was having a good time with him kaya napasarap ang pag-kukwentuhan nila throughout the fifteen minutes walk.

Okay, Kyungsoo and Jongin are both in the same circle of friends. Apat na taon na silang magkakilala but if asked, marahil ito palang ang unang beses na ang dalawa ay nagka-usap ng ganito katagal, the two haven’t had their solo time like this. It’s always Kyungsoo and Baekhyun-Jongdae samantalang Jongin is closer with their giant friends, Chanyeol at Sehun.

Kyungsoo doesn't speak much, unless kapag nagagalit ito or naghahabilin sa makukulit na tropa. Sa tatlong uri ng tao- _maiingay, moderate speaker_ at _tahimik_ , Kyungsoo belongs on the third classification, isang tanong isang sagot kind of person at kahit lasing, saktong tatawa lang.

And Jongin is very similar with the older, isn't much of a speaker too, he laughs loudly, bungisngis si Jongin subalit there's a huge difference between a talkative and giggly one.

"So- dito ka na." Jongin stated the obvious earning an eyeroll from the older yet shorter male. "Goodnight Soo." But not showing any indication of leaving, because damn it, he’s having a great time.

"Goodnight Jongin. Text ka kapag nakauwi ha."

"Thank you Soo." Pagod at inaantok man, isang malambing na ngiti parin ang ibinigay ni Kyungsoo sa katropa. "Bye!" Jongin waved his right hand quickly before burying it inside the front pocket of his jeans.

Kyungsoo doesn't move an inch while watching the taller male walk away, palayo sa kanya, unti unting kinakain ng dilim sa bawat hakbang paalis sa apartment, sa street, hanggang tuluyang mawala sa tanaw ni Kyungsoo ang kaibigan ng finally lumiko ito sa kanan kung saan ang direksyon ng dorm ng kanyang kaibigan.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Putanginang thesis. Isa lamang ang nais ni Jongin sa mga oras na iyon, ang lamunin ng lupa o hampasin ng alon. Either could work as long as mawala lamang siya sa mukha ng planeta.

As expected, rejected for the fourth time ang thesis proposal nitong isang linggo niyang pinagpuyatan. He felt unmotivated, depressed and hopeless. Lahat ng effort ay napunta sa wala. Gagraduate pa kaya siya at this rate?

Grand opening ng bar ng pinsan ng pinsan ng isa sa mga kuya ng tropa, ni Yixing. Free drinks at pulutan, sakto, Jongin wanted to forget even just for a night. Hindi chicks ang problema but worst, ang uncertainty sa future niya.

"Hey Jongs," Isang tapik sa balikat at malakas na sigaw sa tenga ni Jongin. Si Chanyeol, smirking at him na tila may masamang balak. "Chicks, nine o'clock, kanina ka pa ina-eyefuck. Type mo." Jongin shrugs it, unlike Chanyeol who like to fuck around, Jongin is the opposite.

Well, he do one night stand but whenever he gets too wasted to think lang naman which rarely happens. Malakas ang alcohol tolerance ni Jongin especially kapag nasa kondisyon.

"Pre, yaan mo muna si Jongs, hindi chicks ang sagot sa problema niyan kung hindi masarap na oo ng thesis profesor niya."

"Tangina, ano ba kasi problema ng kalbong palaka na yun at mukhang ayaw kang gumraduate."

Funny thing, despite of the loud music banging everyone's eardrum, the group of friends are still capable of hearing one's word clearly. Tila naglilip-reading, no need to lean against someone's ear para lang magkaintindihan.

"Jongs, baka type ka?"

"Hayaan niyo nga si Jongin, shoo shoo. Go and flirt elsewhere hindi yung nandadamay pa kayo." A bored looking Kyungsoo steps in between the taller males, Jongin, Sehun and Chanyeol- _Kyungderella and the three giants_. Ang cute.

The two sober giants whined at the intrusion before completely surrendering Jongin at Kyungsoo’s good hands. Besides, they came to have a good time and not to babysit a sulky Jongin.

Kyungsoo takes the seat next to Jongin, ordered a beer for himself bago ibaling ang tingin sa mukha ng kaibigan nila. He feels bad for Jongin, he was there with Jongin when he needs to put an all-nighter sa coffee shop, he saw the student diligently working on his proposal.

Even this morning, Kyungsoo could still vividly picture out Jongin’s cheerful smile, face shining with confidence, expecting for his proposal to be finally be accepted.

Hours later, ang ngiti ng kaibigan ay tuluyang nawala, katulad ng isang pulang rosas na nalanta. Ang kanyang mga mata, walang buhay, namatay ang pag-asa. Quietly, with a finger, Jongin traces the rim of his beer bottle, brain flying maybe sa thesis nito or most probably worrying about his cloudy future.

Kung sa anime lang, pinapalibutan na ng dark aura si Jongin and Kyungsoo could vividly see the black clouds encircling his friend. He hated it, Kyungsoo despises it. He wants his bungisngis friend to comeback.

  
“Wag ka magpapatalo kay kalbo, inggit lang yun kasi shiny buhok mo…”

Ni isang salita ay walang kumawala sa bibig ni Jongin, pero what Kyungsoo received as a reply is comforting. He smiled. Jongin flashed him his signature sexy smile bago kunin ang sariling beer and gulps it down.

“How do you do that?” Jongin talks finally, tongue moving across his upper lips.

“Huh? The what?” Lost, Kyungsoo is. And stares at Jongin, confused, bulging eyes blinking once, twice, thrice.

“That.” With his beer bottle stuck on his grip, he circles Kyungsoo’s face with his hand. “Comforting me effortlessly.”

The shorter’s face lightened up, _gets_ \- Kyungsoo took his own beer, clinks their bottles together.

“That, Jongin Kim, is a gift.”

The rest of the night, over bottle of beers, sina Kyungsoo and Jongin stayed at their booth, talked and laughed over almost everything, not minding their friends’ invitation na sumayaw sa dance floor, completely ignoring the flickering disco lights, the crowds’ cheering and laughter.

Busy si Jongin tumawa, ang bumulong sa tenga ni Kyungsoo while telling him corny pick up lines. Dahil sa tumpok ng naitumbang bote ng alak, the innocent conversation had escalated into something flirty. Nasa hita na ni Jongin ang palad ni Kyungsoo, moving sideways before squeezing the art student’s thigh.

Jongin loves how Kyungsoo is flirting back but something is stopping him from going further, like dragging the older male to the comfort room and maybe make out with him. Jongin might be drunk with lust starting to ignite his flesh, but he doesn’t want to gamble their friendship and do something reckless, something alcohol driven, something that might ruin what they have, something the both of them would regret.

Until Kyungsoo snaps his self restraint with a palm cupping his chin and warm air hitting his skin when the latter leans against his ear and whispered, _‘Jongin, take me home.’_ Jongin said amen upon getting his answer before grabbing Kyungsoo out of the bar.

“That was heaven..” Mahinang sambit ni Kyungsoo, napagod man sa ilang oras na pag-iisang katawan nila ng kaibigan, nakuha parin niyang ngumiti at hilahin si Jongin to cuddle him.

Jongin hums a reply and buries his face against the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, the shorter smells like sex and beer but he still finds it alluring. Jongin stayed in that position to rest, and rolls on his back right after evening his breath.

“Yeah.. Hindi ba magagalit yung boyfriend mo?” Kyungsoo looks up to meet his friend’s eyes. “Yung Seonho ba yun? Hongki?”

“Makikipagchukchakan ba ko sayo kung may jowa ako?”

For the first time, silence has taken over the room that once filled with moans and skin slapping against skin. No one talked at hinayaang magpahinga ang mga utak, ang katawan na parehong kinakain ng antok. Kyungsoo rolled on his side at agad naman siyang hinila ni Jongin until they’re face to face.

It’s not the perfect time to talk about what just happened. Not when they’re still high with lust and alcohol.

“Jongin. Sex lang to diba?”

“Sex lang. You’re surprisingly good at it.” Isang mahinang kurot sa utong ni Jongin bago sakupin ng sariling palad ang kamay ni Kyungsoo. “So, Imma come back for more.” Jongin doesn’t wait for the older’s reply and finally allowed himself into a deep slumber.

Sex lang. Kantot lang. But Kyungsoo was too good, Jongin is a god in bed kaya ang simpleng one night stand ay nasundan ng isa pa, ng pangalawa, pangatlong beses hanggang sa parehong dumating sa punto at napagpasyahan nilang maging fuck buddies.

According sa brotherhood pact ng barkada, tanging friendship, brotherhood ang dapat mamagitan sa tropa, nothing more, no one shall screw their friend, walang kantotan, walang jowaan. Pure friendship lamang upang maingatan ang pagsasamahang hinubog ng oras, pinatatag ng problema at lalong pinaglapit ng kasiyahan.

They’re going against it at handa silang sumugal. The sex escapades are too good to give it it’s end.

A secret. They kept it a secret between them, ang malaswang ugnayan ay kanilang itinago, they became each other’s bittersweet sin. Kasalanang ayaw matapos, kasalanang handang protektahan.

“Jongin, tama na. Pagpahingahin mo naman tong pwet ko.” Nasa ilalim ng shower si Kyungsoo, hubo at bawat tagong sulok ng maputing balat ay puno ng marka ni Jongin, naliligo at kinakailangan umalis upang dumalo sa weekly hangout ng barkada.

They decided to come in separate ways, not wanting to raise the doubt Jongdae throws them the last time. The latter caught the two locked sa loob ng bathroom sa kwarto ni Sehun a couple weeks ago, but luckily Jongdae bought the reason na nag-suka si Kyungsoo at si Jongin ay sinamahan ang kaibigan. _Hell no_ they’ll admit having a quickie inside of their friend’s house.

“One round.” Ang masarap at malambot na pares ng labi ni Jongin ay nagsimulang maglaro sa batok ni Kyungsoo, giving the skin a lick before sucking a hickey.

“Sabing wag mag lagay ng chikinini sa visible part eh!”

“Sarap eh, sige na, isa lang. Sabihin mo nakagat lang ng langgam.”

“Gusto mo bang magduda muli si Jongdae? Alam mo naman yun, masyadong malisyoso tapos yung bunganga nun walang filter.”

Tumalikod si Kyungsoo and faced Jongin, hawak ang sabon kanyang tinulungan sa pagsasabon ang kaibigan. He blushes though ng makita ang dibdib ni Jongin na puno ng chikinini, his skin bruised with hickeys na tanging si Kyungsoo ang may gawa. _A masterpiece_ , Jongin would tease him sometimes.

Kyungsoo ignored the marks his beastly side had caused at hinayaan ang mga palad niyang maglakbay sa dibdib ni Jongin, soaping the younger habang ito naman ay pinaglalaruan ang buhok ni Kyungsoo, styling his shampoo soaked hair into a shark’s fin while humming _Baby Shark_ as a background song. 

“Para kang bata..” Puna ni Kyungsoo with an unexpressive face.

“Im a baby!” Jongin beams, imitating a child’s voice laughingly.

“Baby ka diyan. Ang tanda mo na baby parin? Baka feeling baby..”

“Baby ako. Kita mo, I am fully capable of bathing myself pero you still choose to do it yourself. Kasi,” He smiles, leaned down and steal a playful kiss sa labi ni Kyungsoo and sucks on it bago lumayo. “Baby mo ako.”

Kyungsoo only rolls his eyes and slaps Jongin’s bare chest with the soap.

“Oh ayan, kaya mo diba? Maligo ka mag-isa mo.”

“Hey!!!! Baby needs help!” Jongin teases, poking Kyungsoo’s belly with his fingers only to tease him some more. “Soo~” Patuloy ni Jongin kasabay ng patuloy na paghalik nito sa leeg ng kaibigan.

Kyungsoo felt his lips moving into a curl but then an unwanted feeling of fear creeps up within his heart. Naisin mang maging masaya, subalit naunahan ng takot ang puso niya.

Sabay na napalingon sina Baekhyun at Jongdae ng finally bumukas ang pintuan ng unit ni Chanyeol at nakangiting kinain ng pinto ang nakangiting si Jongin.

“Aba at nagpakita pa!”

“I’m not late! What are you saying?”

“Oh ano, yung booze dala mo?”

“Jongs, sakto, kakatapos lang magluto ni Kyungsoo. Pumasok ka na at ng makapag-hapunan na tayo.”

_TGIF_ at unit ni Chanyeol ang napag-pasyahang guluhin ng tropa. Kyungsoo is the first to arrive sapagkat nagpalipas pa ng oras si Jongin sa isang coffee shop bago magdrop by sa isang kalapit na grocery store upang bumili ng mga alak. Siya ang naatasan bilang parusa sa pagiging late niya.

All grocery bags are placed sa tapat ng refrigerator and with Sehun’s help, Jongin put the alcohol sa loob upang lumamig.

The group is gathered sa living room, encircling their meal. Jongin, who ran before Sehun sat next to Kyungsoo na ngayon ay busy sa kanyang phone.

“Wow tangina mo Jongin Kim.” Jongdae says.

Jongin chuckles and Kyungsoo finally spare the younger a glance, pasimpleng naka smirk ang fuck buddy niya while grabbing foods.

And then Kyungsoo returns his eyes kay Jongdae, not understanding why his friend let out a curse.

“Tangina naman pare, you don’t need to flaunt na active yang sex life mo. Tangina ka.” Sehun, who notices it barks in.

“Ang gago, pare tao ba ang may gawa niyang chikinini mo?” Kyungsoo nearly choke on his food, fortunately, everyone’s attention ay nasa kay Jongin, especially Jongdae who is very much intrigued sa late comer.

Lumingon si Kyungsoo sa katabi, gave him a scan and when the asshole passes him the bowl of shrimp sinigang, doon lang nito napansin that Jongin is wearing a plain white vneck tshirt that is definitely showcasing his toned chest. It’s not only his chest na nakikita ng lahat but also ang mga nagkalat na chikini that Kyungsoo had left just a few hours ago.

Tangina. He reminded Jongin to stop hinting their friends pero ang gago, proud pang ipinapakita sa mundo ang katulad ng tinatago ni Kyungsoo.

“Well, what can I say? Magaling ako eh.” He brags.

“Kadiri amputa, ayoko na, busog na ako!” Baekhyun protests disgustingly, but opposite to his words, kumuha pa ito ng lumpia.

“Eh yung kasex mo?”

“Oh. Him?”

“Him? So lalaki ang recent hook up mo?”

“I certainly remembered that I gave him a hand job sa shower so I’m pretty certain he’s a he.. yes he’s a beast in bed.”

The proud look sa mukha ni Jongin tempted Kyungsoo na sapakin ang kaibigan or rather stitch his lips up. Napakaingay and Jongdae is a smart man. 

But he gave it a second thought because honestly, Jongin do wonders with his filthy and unfiltered mouth. Wonders that only he can bring Kyungsoo into heaven. 

“Tangina Jongin. Shut up na nga pare before you go into full details.”

“Yeah yeah, we don’t care Jongin. Hindi kami interesado sa sex life mo.”

Everyone agreed unhesitant, and Jongin turns to Kyungsoo with a smirk.

_‘My cute little beast..’_ Jongin playfully mouthed to Kyungsoo. Sa ilalim ng mesa, sa likod ng mga mata ng mga kaibigan nila, Jongin’s left hand is one with Kyungsoo’s right.

And while their hands are clasped together, Jongin has never thought that sinning could feel this good. Sinning with Kyungsoo, felt so fucking good.


	2. nahulog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahal na niya.

Sex lang, kantot lang. Pero Jongin notices within him that he wanted more from Kyungsoo. The longer they keep their relationship, the stronger his yearning inside.

_Yes,_ he can hold Kyungsoo inside his arms, he can kiss the beautiful man how much he wants subalit, his heart is throbbing for more. He wanted Kyungsoo for himself but sadly, they’re friends. At ayaw ni Jongin na masira ang barkadahan dahil lang sa selfishness niya.

“Huy Jongin, ano na?”

Back to reality si Jongin kung saan nasa isang restaurant ito kasama ang nakakatandang kapatid niya. The siblings are having dinner as an advance celebration sa nalalapit na graduation ni Jongin. Finally, after four years of hardwork, makukuha na ni Jongin ang premyo na kanyang deserve.

“Huh? Ha? Ay sorry ate, may iniisip lang.”

“Kako, ako nalang ang dadalo sa graduation mo. Mom and dad are still, you know.” His sister gave him a curt smile.

Jongin don’t really expect na pupunta ang mga magulang niya sa graduation nila, but somehow, during an after sex deep conversation with Kyungsoo, a small bud of hope grows inside Jongin. Maybe Kyungsoo was right, marahil communication ang kulang sa kanila ng parents niya. Maybe both parties are mataas ang pride upang magpakumbaba. Maybe may chance na pumunta ang parents ni Jongin sa kanyang graduation day.

But the hope was gone too soon when his sister told him that both of her parents declined to listen to her words. His heart sank but the sadness within, he manages to mask with a smile.

“Basta dadalhin mo si Rahee ha?”

“Nah, Rahee is still what- eight months old? I don’t want to cause a commotion kapag umiyak siya. Besides, she’s a crier. Kagaya ng tito niya.”

“Ate. Remind me not to have dinner with you again ever..”

“Okay, next time, ire-remind kita to bring someone with you.” Jongin growls inwardly and brings the pasta hanging on the tip of his fork inside his mouth. “Mag-jowa ka na ng magka playmate na si Rahee.”

“W-what if, what if I like someone who doesn’t have an ability to bear a kid?” His first and only thought is Kyungsoo. Weird.

“Like impotent?”

“No. Like, uhm, he’s gay.”

The woman places her utensils sa gilid to scan Jongin’s expression for a couple minutes before resuming to eat her food.

“It’s okay if you swing that way. Sino ba naman ako para kalabanin ang tadhana diba? Kapatid mo lang naman ako.”

“Okay lang ba talaga, that I’m not a straight man who is expected to settle with a woman and have kids with her?” Muling bumitaw ang babae sa hawak na kutsara at ang palad niya ay gumapang upang hawakan ang kamay ng bunso nila. She smiled reassuringly at Jongin and squeezes his palm.

“Kapatid mo ako Jongin, I’m supporting everything you wanted kasi I trust you. Besides, what’s wrong with being gay? There’s none. You’re my little bro and I’ll always love you.”

Jongin opened his mouth to answer only to close it again without a word leaving his mouth. He’s happy for the acceptance, happy that somehow, he still got what he can call a family.

“Anyways, when can I meet him?”

Eyes shut closed, fingers gripping at the bed sheet, Jongin can’t think straight, not when he’s got his dick inside of Kyungsoo’s warm mouth. The latter is doing a good job of bringing him to the closest place to heaven using only his mouth.

Patuloy lamang sa pag bob ng kanyang ulo si Kyungsoo, eyes on Jongin na sarap na sarap sa ginagawa nito. Si Kyungsoo, feeling proud ay lalong ginalingan ang pagbibigay blow job kay Jongin, he would suck his cock and give kitten licks sa namumulang dick head nito, his hands massaging Jongin’s balls not to keep it neglected.

“Tangina Kyungsoo.. fuck.” From the bedsheet, a hand found purchase sa ulo ni Kyungsoo, pushing the latter’s head down until his cock reaches the older’s throat until he’s splattering each drop of cum all over Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Jongin’s cum tastes bitter, but hearing his name slips out of Jongin’s mouth through a moan, every drop of juice na lumabas sa fuck buddy, lahat iyon nilunok ni Kyungsoo ng walang reklamo.

Worn out, nahiga si Jongin with eyes closed to regain the lost energy. Si Kyungsoo naman, seated sa paanan ng kaibigan is watching him with blissful eyes, feeling betrayed for being left unattended.

“Pagod ka na?” He asks, standing up to take off his own boxers.

“You can still ride me baby.” Jongin says with a tired smile, hand reaching for Kyungsoo and pulls him down.

Ngumiti si Kyungsoo, took off the butt plug which Jongin forced him to wear to class. The younger licks his tongue at the sight, loving the soft moan slipping off Kyungsoo’s mouth when he unplugs it. Damn it, Kyungsoo’s moan is fucking sexy, giving pleasure not only to his dick but straight up to his ears and he thinks he’d saved a country in his past life to be hearing it in this lifetime.

“Aaah-” Sabay na napaungol ang dalawa when Jongin’s stiff cock is finally being engulfed with Kyungsoo’s hungry ass hole.

“Puta..” Iyak ni Kyungsoo when Jongin’s fully inside of him.

The younger chuckles, bringing a hand at pinunasan ang namumuong pawis sa noo ni Kyungsoo, his lips is as red as an apple, pula pa sa mansanas ni Snow White. Jongin brings his body to sit, hands stretching Kyungsoo’s ass globes to ease the latter’s pain.

“Masakit parin ba?” Jongin whispers, the tip of his nose brushing against Kyungsoo’s. “Baby, masakit ba?” Kyungsoo’s heart began racing at the endearment, Jongin is aggressive when they fuck subalit there are times that he’d call him _baby_ and his heart aches thinking how romantic and gentle his fuck buddy is.

“Medyo..” Kyungsoo moans out, dropping his forehead sa balikat ng kasiping when wordlessly, he thrusts up.

Jongin chuckles and cupped Kyungsoo’s face upang magkatinginan sila. Nagmistulang hardin ng rosas ang mukha ni Kyungsoo, he’s blushing like crazy, like a fiery pit of fire of hell. The art student thinks it’s adorable. He laughs again, feeling his dick limping inside Kyungsoo’s hot cavern.

“I’m pagod, can you do the job baby? You know how much I love seeing you in control.” He whispers against Kyungsoo’s lips, breathe fanning the older’s skin as he kisses Kyungsoo’s earlobe, lips wandering to plant a kiss against the older’s neck until their lips meet again.

“Ugh.. I hate you.” Jongin laughed and loudly spank Kyungsoo’s asscheeks, urging him to start moving. He lay on his back and let Kyungsoo do the work.

Jongin is far from lazy when it comes to fucking, he prefers to be in control sa totoo lang. Subalit with Kyungsoo, nahahalina siya, lalong kumakarera ang puso niya sa tuwing nakikita si Kyungsoo with lustful eyes habang nag-eenjoy sa pag bounce sa itaas ni Jongin. Oh, how much Jongin loves the view. Tanawing kayang higitan ang ganda ng Northern Lights.

Nakahiga si Jongin sa malambot na sofa. Sina Jongdae at Baekhyun ay parehong out of town, si Jongdae ay nasa Tagaytay kasama ang kasintahang si Minseok samantalang ang paalam naman ni Baekhyun sa bestfriend ay dadalo ito sa birthday party ng kanyang ka orgmate kaya he quickly invited Kyungsoo into his apartment which his sister lent to him.

Bihira lamang na makakapag-solo ang dalawa sa apartment without lying sa kanilang mga kaibigan kaya ang bawat segundo ay kanilang nilubos. Suot lamang ang boxers na baon, nakahilata si Jongin sa couch habang nanonood ng rerun ng Criminal Minds.

Hawak ang hinihinging baso ng tubig ni Jongin, Kyungsoo joined the younger on the couch, handed Jongin his drink while he aimed for the remote control. Kyungsoo scanned the channel as Jongin snuggled sa mainit na katawan ni Kyungsoo, ginawa niyang unan ang matabang hita ng fuck buddy and hugs it.

“Criminal Minds na..” He whined at Kyungsoo, attempting na kunin ang remote control ng TV mula sa kamay ng kaibigan.

“Ssssh, ito nalang. Two episodes yung namiss ko kasi there’s a baby whining for my attention.” Kyungsoo unintentionally pouted and Jongin, losing his sanity, he traps the pout in between his fingers.

“Grabe, you’re seriously guilt-tripping me when we both know na ikaw ang mas nag-eenjoy?”

“Eh sino ba yung baby sa ating dalawa? Edi ikaw, kaya mas nag-eenjoy ka.” Jongin is lucky that Kyungsoo has his eyes are glued sa TV kaya he can’t see the smile na suot ni Jongin.

_Damn it, putangina_ \- why does Kyungsoo’s words are affecting his heart? He tried to fight the theory off pero when Kyungsoo looked at him and leans down to place a kiss sa kanyang mga labi, Jongin surrendered. His heart lost against the battle with his own brain.

“Baby mo ko?” All Jongin could say.

Kyungsoo, with his eyes back to the show hums, Jongin lost it. He is in love, with Kyungsoo, a secret fuck buddy of all people.

“Hey, Soo-” Jongin whines for attention, finger poking the older’s pout to earn his stares. “Baby mo ko?”

“Kulit naman. Please let me watch this in peace, please Jongin?”

Napalingon si Jongin sa palabas, nothing much, just Chef Gordon Ramsey yelling his lungs out over raw chicken. And Jongin doesn’t get it, why would he choose throwing a tantrum than to save the failed dish first? Maybe for the drama, a clickbait for a view. Or whatever, Jongin doesn’t give a damn sapagkat what matters most is having the realization that he’s inlove with his fuck buddy.

Fucking finally, Hell’s Kitchen lang naman pala ang makakapagpa-realize sa kanya that Kyungsoo is more than a good fuck, Jongin, he’s in love.

Hindi na maipagkakaila pa ni Jongin, he can watch this tyrannical show for Kyungsoo’s sake, as long as they’re cuddling like this kasi he’s in love. Puta. Maha niya si Kyungsoo and he gave up fighting the feeling.

“Fine, pasalamat ka at-”

“Sssh, quiet.” Kyungsoo stuffs his mouth with a cushion, silencing the younger man, not giving Jongin a chance upang tapusin ang kung ano mang nais sasabihin.

Jongin rolls to his side, buries his face sa bilbil ni Kyungsoo at nilunod ang sarili sa pag ooverthink. Does Kyungsoo feels the same way too? Does he have a chance with him? Matatanggap kaya ng barkada that Jongin fell for Kyungsoo?

This feeling, his love for his fuck buddy? Would this bring him any good? Or would lead him straight to hell?

“May problema ka ba?” His silence must have raised worries from Kyungsoo. Jongin sits up, only to side hug the older. Kyungsoo dropped the remote at niyakap pabalik si Jongin.

“My parents wouldn’t come to my graduation..” He whispers sadly and closed his eyes when Kyungsoo started petting his hair.

“Don’t worry. My parents will come and I will suggest na ampunin ka nila for a day.”

“Wow. So what we have is incest?” Malakas na halakhak ang kumawala kay Kyungsoo at pinitik sa noo ang kaibigan.

“I’m trying to make you feel better! Ano ba! You’re ruining the mood. Now my efforts are gone to waste!” Isang pitik sa ilong ni Jongin, stronger this time. Walang nagawa ang matangkad kung hindi ang tumawa ng malakas. Tangina, anong gone to waste? Kalabisan na comfort ang ibinibigay ni Kyungsoo kay Jongin, every effort is highly appreciated. Jongin doesn’t speak anymore and showed Kyungsoo his gratitude by slamming his lips with the older’s and never stopped kissing him until clothes flew all over the room, leaving the two butt naked and fucked like rabbits.

Isang linggo bago ang graduation day. Busy halos lahat ng tropa sa kani-kanilang departamento, isang linggo na ring nakapagpahinga ang tamod sa _epididymis_ ni Jongin, pati na rin ang pwet ng ka fuck buddy nitong si Kyungsoo.

Takipsilim, sa waiting shed sa front gate ng unibersidad na pinapasukan ng tropa, nakatayo si Jongin kasama si Chanyeol. Parehong maaga natapos ang programa sa kani-kanilang departamento at aksidenteng nagtagpo sa oval kaya ngayon, magkasama ang mga ito, walang siguradong patutunguhan. Kakain nalang ba sa labas, o iinom muna bago dumiretso pauwi.

Rush hour, pahirapang sumakay kaya kahit may panukala na ang gobyerno na bawal ang paninigarilyo sa mga pampublikong lugar, parehas na humihithit ang magkaibigan.

“Uy, ayos, si Kyung may ka-date?” Ang yosi na hawak, hinulog ni Jongin sa semento at tinapakan iyon. “Binata na ang ating Kyungsoo. Nice.” Agad na sumunod ang paningin ni Jongin sa kabilang kalye kung nasaan nakatutok ang mata ni Chanyeol. Nandoon, klarong natanaw ni Jongin si Kyungsoo na may kausap na lalaki, si Seonho, kadepartamento ng ka fuck buddy niyang minsan ay nanligaw na kay Kyungsoo.

Labas ang hugis pusong ngiti habang kausap si Seonho, kabaliktaran naman ang nararamdaman ni Jongin sa mga sandaling iyon. Naninikip ang kanyang dibdib sa bawat malakas na pagkabog ng puso. He’s hurting, nagseselos siya sa nakikita. Pero at the same time, naiinggit kay Seonho for having the privilege na mapangiti si Kyungsoo whenever at wherever. Habang siya, tanging sa kama, sa loob lamang ng kwarto kung saan silang dalawa lang ang naroroon.

Jongin too, he wanted to brag the world that he had made Kyungsoo laugh millions of times. Pero his fear of getting caught makes him a coward. He’s not ready to lose Kyungsoo, or will he ever be prepared when the time comes?

“Tara Jongs, lapitan natin. Baka mamaya tarantado pala yang kasama niya?”

Akmang pipigilan ni Jongin ang kaibigan pero he’s a second late when his hand missed Chanyeol’s wrist. His friend is already walking down the pedestrian and Jongin immediately trails after him.

It didn’t take long for the two giants to reach Kyungsoo’s spot, sa laki ng bawat hakbang nila ay marahil inabot lamang ng limang steps ang dalawang magkaibigan hanggang sa marating ang kinatatayuan ni Kyungsoo.

“Hey Soo, sup! Tapos na yung practice niyo?” Asked Chanyeol with a creepy grin, kunwari masayang makita ang kaibigan subalit lumapit lamang ito upang maki-chismis sa kasamang lalaki ni Kyungsoo.

“Oh Yeol,” Isang tipid na ngiti ang ibinigay ni Kyungsoo sa higante bago ibaling ang paningin kay Jongin. “Jongin..”

Kung normal na araw lamang iyon, marahil nakipag high five pa si Jongin kay Kyungsoo or maybe engulf him into a bone crushing hug. Ngunit isang linggo silang hindi nagkikita at ngayon, nakikipag-tawanan si Kyungsoo sa ibang lalaki, sa dating manliligaw at noo’y naging crush din ng lalaki.

Kapag ka-fubu ka lang, katawan lang ang pag mamay-ari mo, hindi ang puso at lalong hindi ang tao. Lubos mang sumasakit ang puso ni Jongin, wala siyang karapatang magreklamo. Sex ang tanging napagkasunduan nila ni Kyungsoo, no strings attached kaya if he’s hurting right now, it’s entirely his fault, for not controlling his own emotion.

He swallowed a lump of pain at inilihis ang tingin, iniwasan ang ngiti ni Kyungsoo and shows his disinterest sa mga ganap.

“Ah, kakatapos lang. Kakain lang dapat kami ni kuya Seonho.”

“Pauwi ka na ba o may date muna?”

“Kakain ba kayo? Sabay nalang ako.”

“Akala ko ba kakain din kayo ng ka-date mo?” Jongin finally speaks, jealousy laced in his tone at parehas nagulat sina Chanyeol at Kyungsoo sa boses niya. “Nakakahiya naman sa iyo.” He added in a cold tone.

“Sorry. Pinapauwi na ako sa bahay eh, may emergency daw kaya I need to go.” Seonho clears out, gave Kyungsoo’s hair a ruffle before bidding his goodbye sa dalawang kaibigan ng kasama.

He was gone not long after, running back to the campus to get his car. Kyungsoo was left sa gitna ng matatangkad. Chanyeol is wiggling his brows suggestively at Kyungsoo kaya inilihis ng maliit ang tingin nito at muling ibinalik kay Jongin.

Jongin is frowning, brows meeting at halos hindi na maipinta ang gwapong mukha nito. Kyungsoo smiled, tiptoes only to pinch Jongin’s nose, uncertain kung saan nanggaling ang lakas ng loob niyang ipakita sa harapan ni Chanyeol that he and Jongin are very much comfortable around each other.

Or marahil dahil lubos niyang namimiss ang lalaking iyon.

“Libre mo ba ako?” Kyungsoo smiled widely at him.

Sinubukang umiwas ni Jongin, ibaling ang paningin sa kalye subalit napakalapad ng ngiti ni Kyungsoo, nakakasilaw kaya ang umiwas ay hindi niya magawa.

He gave Kyungsoo a look, yung expression na bakas sa mukha niya ang labis na pagseselos. He didn’t flash him a smile or utter a word.

“Kuripot yang si Jongs, lam mo yan. Ako nalang ang bahala sayo.” Chanyeol stepped in, trap Kyungsoo’s neck sa kanyang braso and pulls him away from Jongin. “Basta kwento mo kung sino yung Seonho na iyon.” At lumabas din ang maitim na balak.

The three ended up sa isang turo-turo not far from school. Chanyeol is the one who ordered for them sapagkat libre naman niya. Magkatabi ang dalawa sa mesa, si Kyungsoo ay nangangalumbaba habang nakatingin sa entrance, nagbibilang ng mga taong dumadaan out of boredom. At ng mabagot, he turns to Jongin, tutok ito sa cellphone at nanonood ng random dance videos sa tiktok.

“Jongin?”

“Hmmm?”

“Jongin..”

“Wait lang- mananalo na kami.”

Bumuntong hininga si Kyungsoo at hindi na nakipag gyera para sa attention ni Jongin, sa halip, sumandal na lamang ito sa balikat ng matangkad. It felt nice, doing this with Jongin in public. He wanted to be chummy with his fuck buddy sa harapan ng mga kaibigan but afraid it leaves an idea sa mga utak ng malisyosong tropa.

Jongin was startled sa skinship Kyungsoo initiated, he knew that the older is naturally clingy but it’s the first time he’s done it in public where they could be easily seen by people they knew in school or caught by their friends. To say that Jongin wasn’t tempted to wrap Kyungsoo around his arm is a lie. Deep inside his brain is a devil telling him to do so, dahil baka dumaan si Seonho at makita that Kyungsoo belongs to Jongin and no one else.

But before the devil wins, Chanyeol somehow saved Jongin with his entry. Hawak ang isang tray ng pagkain, he came, eyeing the two suspiciously.

“Inaantok na ako.” Kyungsoo said before Chanyeol could assume things.

Jongin said nothing, itinago ang cellphone sa bulsa ng bag and helped his friend with the food. The three ate in a total chaos, mostly because Chanyeol is interviewing Kyungsoo about Seonho. Ayaw niyang maniwala na tropa lang kaya napilitang umamin si Kyungsoo that the man used to court him but he turned him down sapagkat kakabreak lang nila ng dating kasintahan na si Hyunsik.

Apparently, Chanyeol lets go of the topic at ng makatanggap ng isang text message, nagpaalam na ito sa mga kaibigan at nagmadaling mag book ng grab ride.

The two were left alone, ngayon ay naglalakad na patungo sa sakayan pauwi. Magkabilang direksyon ang daan nila but Jongin insisted na pasakayin si Kyungsoo. They crossed the street together at ng mapansing wala na sa tabi si Kyungsoo, Jongin looks back, spotted Kyungsoo who was having trouble following his step. Jongin’s pace slowed down and shoving aside all reasons he shouldn’t be holding Kyungsoo’s hand, bravely, he reaches for the younger’s palm and intertwined it with his.

At kahit tila nakuryente sa skin contact nilang dalawa, Jongin didn’t let go, testing the waters, waiting for Kyungsoo to push him away. But the rejection doesn’t came, instead, si Kyungsoo mismo ay hinigpitan ang pag-iisang kamay nila. Ngunit hindi nakuntento si Kyungsoo at lumapit kay Jongin and clings around the taller’s arm.

Napatingin si Jongin sa kanya, Kyungsoo smiled and finally, nawala ang lahat ng selos sa puso ni Jongin. Kasi Kyungsoo is with him, for the first time ay magkahawak kamay sa harapan ng maraming tao.

“Jongin. Walang tao sa apartment..”

Ng gabing iyon, ang longing nila para sa isa’t isa, ay kanilang ipinakita sa pamamagitan ng maiinit na halik, sa mahigpit na yakap at sa masasayang iyak habang langit ay kanilang sabay na inaabot.


	3. pag-amin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inamin ang pagmamahal

“Jongin, we made it!” Nasa langit parin si Jongin, pakiramdam ay nakalutang sa hangin habang dinuduyan ng mga nag-aawitang anghel. Sa kamay hawak ang diploma na halos limang taong iginapang. “I’m so proud of you!” Mainit na yakap ang kanila ni Kyungsoo ay pinagsaluhan. Mahigpit ang mga braso ng nakakatanda sa leeg ni Jongin, overjoyed, Jongin had completely forgotten everything, everyone else at ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg ni Kyungsoo.

The older smells good, like his usual jasmine scent. Jongin’s arms sa bewang ni Kyungsoo, tightening.

“I made it!” He huffs against the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

“Yeah. Congratulations!”

Bumitaw si Jongin, ang labi ay nagsimulang mangalay sa labis na pag-ngiti subalit he doesn’t take it off, he just can’t.

“You too. Congratulations Kyungsoo.”

Magkadikit parin ang kanilang mga katawan, ang pares ng palad ni Kyungsoo nasa dibdib lamang ni Jongin. Sa gilid ng venue, ang dalawang graduates ay nagpapalitan ng masasayang ngiti, hindi batid ang sasabihin ng mga kaibigan.

Nagsimula lamang sa thesis, Jongin is grateful for Kyungsoo’s cheer during those nights na kailangan niya ng motivation for his thesis proposal.

“Proud ako. Paano mo nalagpasan si kalbo?” Nakuha pang tuksuhin ni Kyungsoo ang lalaki, Jongin chuckled at that and pulls Kyungsoo back into his arms.

“Nakakadami ka na ng yakap kay Kyungsoo ah.”

“Kyungsoo bading ka, mas matagal tayong tropa pero hindi pa ako nakakayakap sayo!”

“Favoritism pala si Kyungsoo amputa!”

Naghiwalay ang dalawa ng isa-isang lumapit ang barkada. Nagpalitan ng _‘congratulations’_ at ng humupa ang tao ay nagyakapan ang grupo. Isang hakbang patungo sa kanilang mga pangarap ang magkakasamang nalagpasan. Panibagong yugto ang naghihintay sa kanilang pagdating, and Jongin knew it’s going to be different.

Kagaya ng plano, bahay ni Sehun ang naging venue ng graduation party. Exclusive para sa grupo and outsiders are not allowed. Nagkalat ang iba’t ibang klase ng inumin sa lamesa, may whiskey, may Smirnoff at may gin.

Naka sandal si Kyungsoo sa balikat ni Jongin, sa dami ng nainom ay nagsimula ng umikot ang mundo niya. Ramdam ang masamang tingin na kanina pa itinatapon ni Jongdae sa direksyon nila, pinili na lamang ni Kyungsoo ang deadmahin ito. They can talk about it, he’s ready to admit sa bestfriend ang kalaswaang namamagitan sa kanila ni Jongin.

Pero may tamang oras sa lahat ng bagay at ang pag-amin na iyon ay hindi pa ngayon. Nakikipagharutan si Jongin kay Sehun, imbes na sila ang lumamon ng alak, sila na ang kinain at sinakop ng kapangyarihan ng alcohol.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are stealing awkward gazes and Kyungsoo had noticed, he decided not to jump into conclusion at piniling umusog kay Jongin. Tipsy, Kyungsoo locks his arm sa braso ni Jongin, surprised at the action, the latter looks at Kyungsoo, they shared a smile and ruffled the older’s hair bago ibalik kay Sehun ang attention.

Masaya si Kyungsoo, ang paningin ay tahimik na inilibot sa mga kaibigan. Sana walang magbago, sana habangbuhay na ganito, masaya, puno ng tawanan at walang iwanan. Kyungsoo was brought back from his stupor when a bottle of Smirnoff gets in his view.

“Hindi ka pa wasted, inom pa. Madaya naman to.” Napakamot ng ulo si Sehun kaya Kyungsoo took the bottle at ngumuso kay Jongin, humihingi ng tulong but instead, the latter only chuckled sabay gulo sa buhok ni Kyungsoo. What’s with his hair that Jongin loves ruffling it?

“So ano na tayo? Ano plano niyo guys?”

“Same same, mag-aapply akong call center for experience. May scheduled interview na nga ako next week.”

“Buti pa kayo mag-aapply na. Ako naman? Lipad Cebu para doon magreview.”

“Marami namang review centers dito sa Manila bakit lilipad pa?”

The unhappy look Sehun is wearing slowly transitioned into a smirk, sabay nag-wiggle ng kanyang kilay. Everyone chorused a _‘boo’_ understanding what he means.

Nasa Cebu ang puso ni Sehun.

The night went on, lumabas ang mga nakatagong beer galing sa refrigerator ng mga Oh as the drunk group longed for more alcohol. Feeling strong, si Kyungsoo na wasted at halos nahihirapan ng buksan ang mata ay tumayo, inagaw kay Jongdae ang mikropono pati na ang kanta.

Jongin smiled, ang cellphone ay nasa ere at nirerecord lahat ng wasted moments ni Kyungsoo. Only stopping when Jongdae managed to snatch the microphone back. Umiling lamang si Jongin, nakangiti at tumayo upang sana alalayan ang kanyang fuck buddy, subalit isang mabigat at mainit na kamay ang dumampi sa kanyang balikat. He looked back and Chanyeol is offering him a stick of cigarette. Jongin gave Kyungsoo a glance at ng makitang nakahilata sa sofa ang lalaki, sumunod na ito sa kaibigan niya.

Maitim na usok ang bumungad kay Jongin, si Chanyeol na nagmistulang tambutso ang bunganga ay naninigarilyo sa terrace nila Sehun. He’s leaning against the railings, mata nakatingin sa bilog na buwan na nagbibigay ng liwanag sa gabing iyon.

Silence lingered for a while until Chanyeol finally spoke “You and Kyungsoo?”

The question stiffens Jongin for a couple seconds, mata nito ay nakatutok parin sa ganda ng buwan. Tama nga, _walang lihim na hindi naibubunyag._

Jongin know he can either refute or acknowledge the allegation. He chooses the latter. Takot at pangamba man ang kumakain sa kanya sa mga sandaling iyon, ang bigat ng pagmamahal niya para kay Kyungsoo ang siya parin ay nangibabaw. Mahal niya si Kyungsoo at taliwas iyon sa kasunduan ng samahan, subalit he wanted to shoot his chance with Kyungsoo.

“I like Kyungsoo-” Jongin pauses to chuckle, kung kanina taas noo ito, ngayon ang mata ay nasa ashtray sa pagitan nila ng kaibigan. “Hindi pala, mahal ko pala si Kyungsoo..” He confessed and Chanyeol sighed. “Paano mo pala nasabi? I mean, sigurado ako that we were never chummy sa harap ninyong lahat.”

“Gago, nakita natin na may kasama si Soo before sobrang obvious na nagseselos ka dude. Tapos what? Chummy? Sa pagkakaalam ko mas close kami ni Kyungsoo kaysa sa inyo and never, never siyang naglean sa balikat ko. Or maybe, I don’t know, the way you two looks at each other was completely different from before..”

“I- I’m, I’m sorry- I know it’s against the brotherhood pact shit pero nahulog ako pre. Ayoko mang maglihim sa grupo pero, natatakot akong masira tayo dahil lamang sa mga maling desisyon ko sa buhay. Ay hindi, mali man ang simula ng istorya naming ni Kyungsoo, never naman siyang naging maling desisyon. Kyungsoo is-”

“Hey, chill buddy.” Jongin didn’t realize that he’s shaking nervously until Chanyeol squeezes his freezing hand. “Kung mahal mo edi mahal mo. Huwag mong iisipin ang magiging reaksyon namin kasi magkaibigan tayo. Siguro may magugulat, may magagalit, pero it doesn’t mean na pipigilan namin ang kasiyahan niyo.” Ang mainit na palad ni Chanyeol ay nakahawak parin sa ngayon ay namamawis na kamay ng kaibigan niya, not letting go until Jongin’s not on his proper mind. “Kayo na ba?” Para maibsan ang pangamba na dinadala ni Jongin, dinaan ni Chanyeol sa biro ang tanong, nakangisi ito sa kaibigan hanggang sa napangiti na rin ang kaibigan niya.

“Hindi pa, complicated pare.”

“JONGIN KIM!”

Gamit ang mikropono, malakas na sumigaw si Jongdae kaya narinig naman ng dalawang nagpapahangin sa labas. Ipinapanalangin na lamang ni Sehun na sana ay wala silang naistorbong kapitbahay at baka sila ay maipabaranggay kinabukasan.

“Jongs, si Kyungsoo, wasted na. Hanap ka niya.” Si Baekhyun iyon, lumapit.

Kyungsoo is a mess whenever he’s wasted as fuck. Jongin had witnessed him a couple times before at alam niya that a wasted Kyungsoo is a clingy, whiny baby. Kinda annoying pero cute.

Pat sa balikat ang nakuha ni Jongin mula kay Chanyeol at ng magdikit ang kanilang mga paningin, the latter gave Jongin a comforting smile and another pat.

“You have my support.”

Tulog sa sofa si Kyungsoo ng datnan ni Jongin, the living room is a total mess, but it’s least of his concern at the moment. Sina Jongdae at Sehun, duet sa videoke habang kumakanta ng _Just Once_ ni James Ingram.

The sober male squats down, leveling his face sa maamong natutulog na mukha ni Kyungsoo. Testing how drunk Kyungsoo is, Jongin gave his forehead a strong flick. Mabilis na namula ang noo ng lasing subalit what made Jongin smile is the frown from Kyungsoo. Lasing nga.

“Let’s get you to bed, baby.”

Mabigat man ang lasing, bridal style binuhat ni Jongin si Kyungsoo paakyat sa ikalawang palapag. Diretso ang lalaki sa guest room ng mga Oh kung saan, sa sahig, sa tabi ng kama ay may nakalatag ng foam.

Junmyeon had occupied the bed, tulog na ang kuya ng tropa. Kaunti man ang naubos na alak, pinagod naman ang Cum Laude ng responsibilidad sa university.

The second Kyungsoo’s arm untangles from Jongin’s neck, soft whimpers left his mouth. Jongin chuckled softly, blowing air sa bangs ni Kyungsoo, he noticed na humaba na ang buhok ng kaibigan and he takes note to suggest that they should get a cut together.

“Tulog na,” Bulong ni Jongin sa natutulog na lasing, madilim man ang kwarto, ang magandang mukha ni Kyungsoo ay pilit paring hinanap ng kanyang mga paningin. “Goodnight, baby.” Dagdag nito bago dampian ng mainit na halik ang noo ng lasing.

Dalawang araw makalipas ng graduation day, dalawang araw na ding nababagot si Kyungsoo sa apartment nila ng bestfriends niya at lalong dalawang araw na din silang walang communication ni Jongin.

Nakaupo sa sofa habang yakap ang pares ng kanyang tuhod, mata ni Kyungsoo ay hindi maialis sa screen ng cellphone na graduation gift pa ng pinsan niya. Tatlumpong minuto na itong tahimik at nag-aabang sa iisang pangalan na tila nakalimutan na siya.

Miss na niya si Jongin, hindi maipagkakaila. But Kyungsoo doesn’t want to come out clingy, not wanting for Jongin to think that for a fuck buddy, he’s too demanding. Kyungsoo growls in frustration at sinipa ang cellphone.

“Tangina ka Kim.” Nafrustrate lalo si Kyungsoo ng tila may sariling isip, hinablot ng kanyang palad ang cellphone at tinipa ang numero ng fuck buddy.

Still hugging his knees, Kyungsoo is rocking his body back and forth, anticipating for Jongin to pick up his phone. One missed call. Disappointed man, hindi sumuko si Kyungsoo at muling sinubukan. Unang ring, Kyungsoo unconsciously brought his thumb into his mouth at kinagat ang kuko. Patuloy lamang ito sa pag-ring, dahilan upang sumuko na lamang si Kyungsoo. He’s about to end the call when finally, _fucking finally,_ he heard Jongin’s voice from the other line.

_“What’s up Soo?”_ **_WHAT’S UP?_** Dalawang araw tapos casual na what’s up lang? But then again, Kyungsoo is not more than a friend-fuck buddy kay Jongin kaya who is he to demand.

“Wala!” Pagsusuplado ni Kyungsoo. “Namali lang ako ng dial kaya sige, bye!” Nawala na sa mood ang lalaki, nakanguso ito- _pinaghalong lungkot at inis._

Pero puta, Jongin Kim laughed at the other line. Dumoble ang inis ni Kyungsoo thinking that the younger is mocking him.

_“You called twice and you tell me namali lang? Anyways,”_ Kyungsoo doesn’t speak anything. Tahimik at anticipating to whatever Jongin’s about to say. _“I miss you..”_

Tila sinipa ng kabayo ang dibdib ni Kyungsoo. Malakas, masakit, but in a good way. Mabilis na kumarera ang puso sa tatlong salita. Kyungsoo doesn’t have the power seeing his face without a mirror subalit batid nito ang pangangamatis ng pisngi sa tindi ng init na nadarama. All because of Jongin’s _I Miss You._

“I miss you pero walang paramdam?”

_“You counted? Don’t worry baby, I counted too.”_

By the way Jongin calls him _baby,_ Kyungsoo is totally aware that Jongin’s flirting with him. Gago. Baka namiss din ang maiinit nilang sandali sa kama, _tama-_ Jongin is only saying it para makaiskor. What does he expect?

“Sorry, meron ako ngayon kaya manigas ka.” At right then, he unhesitantly ended the call.

Kyungsoo threw his phone sa sofa at hinablot ang cushion, buries his face deep into it and yelled out his frustration. He sounded like a pabebeng pokpok with his last statement at sana kainin na lamang siya ng lupa.

Ilang segundo lamang ang lumipas, Kyungsoo’s still berating himself ng ang tahimik na apartment ay sinakop ng malakas na _moaning_ ringtone which Jongin personally set.

**JONGIN KIM** , typed in bold letters, the caller’s name along with a stolen sleeping picture that Kyungsoo took flashes in his screen.

“What?”

_“Suplado naman, hindi mo ba ako namiss?”_

“I don’t care.” _I don’t care pero honestly miss na miss._

_“Suplado talaga. Alam ko ang makakapag pawala niyan. Baba ka..”_

“Huh?” Tumakbo si Kyungsoo patungo sa bintana nila at sinilip ang tapat na gate. Jongin isn’t there, but he noticed that an unfamiliar black car was parked infront. “Bakit?”

_“No more question. You trust me right? Hurry hurry! I want my hug!”_ Call ended.

Hurriedly, not minding how messy he looks like kasi kakagising lang ni Kyungsoo an hour ago, bumaba ito sa front gate ng apartment. Gate ba ang binuksan niya or gate ni San Pedro kasi the first thing he saw sent his soul straight to heaven. Jongin, wearing a plain shirt and his most handsome smile is leaning against the black Ford Ranger, a single sunflower on his hand.

“Hi.” Bati nito kay Kyungsoo na ngayon ay tulala parin.

Ang simpleng road test ng kotse ni Jongin _(na surprisingly graduation gift ng parents niya)_ ended up with the two of them booking a hotel room sa Baguio. Well, they haven’t tried the softness of the mattress or the strength of the bed frame yet. What surprises Kyungsoo the most is that Jongin is being his friend Jongin, not a fuck buddy who would jump on Kyungsoo and undress him.

Malalim na ang gabi, malamig na hangin ang nakayakap kay Kyungsoo habang silang dalawa ay nakaupo sa veranda ng hotel room, surprisingly fully clothed. Their lips are redder than a red rose in full bloom, not because of a heavy make out but simply because of the cold strawberry ice cream na kanilang pinagsasaluhan.

Kyungsoo’s silently listening sa bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig ni Jongin. Masaya din ito that Jongin’s finally happy at nagka-ayos na sila ng mga magulang nito.

“They said they were proud of me….”

Sumandal si Kyungsoo sa balikat ng kaibigan, sleep is slowly catching up. Maybe because of Kyungsoo’s longing or maybe dahil masaya si Jongin sa mga sandaling iyon kaya si Kyungsoo thought he’s satisfied with this set-up, wala mang kalaswaan na naganap, hindi man siya nalabasan, he’s happy being like this.

And there it is again, the pain within him that refrains him from being the happiest. Kumirot ang kanyang puso at tila naramdam ni Jongin ang sakit na iyon, he squeezed Kyungsoo’s bare tummy and leaned to kiss the older’s neck.

“I’m so happy. Tangina Kyungsoo. Isa nalang ang kulang.” Jongin whispers and the glint of happiness sa mata nito told Kyungsoo not to ruin the perfection of the night.

Instead, Kyungsoo pulled Jongin by his nape closing the distance separating their lips. The kiss was quick and innocent. Jongin is the first one to pull away and gave Kyungsoo a sweet sweet smile. Tangina, tinamaan ni kupido, sapul ang puso, walang kawala.

“Jongin,” Ngumuso si Kyungsoo at si Jongin nakahawak parin sa bewang nito, squeezing it, drawing circles across the older’s soft skin.

“Hmmmm?” He hums, anticipating, noticing the thirst at desperation sa boses ni Kyungsoo.

“Kiss me, please.” With Kyungsoo’s puppy eyes, Jongin leaned down at muling pinagdikit ang kanilang mga labi. It was too fast for them to even savor it. Kyungsoo didn’t liked the peck at all, and whined for more. “Please,” He begs. Desperate, he stood up from Jongin at uncaring kung may mga mata mang nagmamasid, he straddled Jongin and sat on his lap. “Jongin naman.”

“Hehehe, why? What do you want, baby?” Kyungsoo felt he was being toyed. Habang busy ang mga labi sa pagpatak ng mga halik sa leeg ni Jongin, the younger is busy teasing him too, _in a wholesome way._

“Jongin naman, kantutin mo na nga lang ako!”

“Ayaw. Ano muna ang gusto mo?”

Tangina, nakangiti lamang si Jongin samantalang si Kyungsoo itong libog na libog na. Kyungsoo wanted sex obviously, but Jongin somehow feels different. Nakikita ni Kyungsoo sa kanya that he wasn’t in the mood to fuck and just to oddly, _converse._ Nawala na ang libog na nadarama ni Kyungsoo but he chooses to stay in his position.

Maybe Jongin just wanted to talk, nais niyang may mapaglabasan, hindi ng tamod pero ng saya sa naging reconciliation nila ng parents niyang apat na taong hindi siya kinausap o tinuring na anak.

And somehow, Kyungsoo is willing to listen.

“Huwag na nga lang. Hindi ko nalang sisirain ang gabi mo.” One more kiss sa ilong ni Jongin who immediately cups Kyungsoo’s cheek. “Alam kong masaya ka kasi okay na kayo ng parents mo. Sorry if I was being a bitch na uunahin ang libog.”

“Huh? What are you sorry for?” Mahina ang boses ni Jongin, leaning higher at hinalikan sa noo si Kyungsoo. “You think I’m not game for it?” Isang halik sa ilong nito. “Do you think I could ever resist you?” Isa, dalawa, tatlong halik sa labi ang iginawad ni Jongin sa mapupula at mapang-akit na labi ni Kyungsoo. “How could I ever refuse when I’m completely powerless when it is you?” At the fourth landing of Jongin’s lips against Kyungsoo’s, binalot ng dilim ang paningin ni Kyungsoo ng siya ay pumikit, not wanting to see the seriousness sa mga mata ni Jongin because he might misunderstood.

Their lips moved aggressively, parehong hayok at nauhaw para sa mga labi ng isa’t isa. Their lips danced hungrily, licking, sucking each other’s lips like this is some sort of competition to who kisses the best.

Habang nag-eenjoy sa momol session ang dalawa, ang malamig na ihip ng hangin ay nakalimutan na, ang kanilang mga katawan ay tuluyang sinakop ng init, ng libog.

“Bed..” Kyungsoo breathes out as soon as Jongin frees his lips only to latch on his neck. “Jongin bed.”

Jongin wordlessly complied, karga si Kyungsoo, with their lips untangling, they dived into the bed while undressing the other, taking away each other’s clothing, let it scatter all over the floor and be the witness of what is going to happen. 

Jongin woke up alone, kahit na inaantok, sinikap parin nitong labanan iyon upang hanapin ang kaibigan niya. It didn’t take long for him to find Kyungsoo. He spotted him on the veranda, leaning on the railing while wrapped around a cozy blanket.

Lazily, he gets up from the bed and allows his feet to drag him to where Kyungsoo is. Mabilis ngunit malambing na niyakap ni Jongin mula sa likuran si Kyungsoo at ipinikit ang mata. Having Kyungsoo wrapped around him feels perfect.

“Good morning.” Kyungsoo greeted him, palm moving across Jongin’s bicep.

“Hmmm. Morning.” He reply shortly bago hagkan si Kyungsoo sa batok. He smells like sex and Jongin is unable to picture out having sex with someone not Kyungsoo. Probably it’s because he’s in love with him. Maybe love had taught him how to remain loyal. _Shit,_ he loves Kyungsoo, his heart reminded him again. “Kyungsoo,”

“Mmmh? You wanna go have lunch na?” Under his arms, Kyungsoo squirmed aiming to face the younger, pero Jongin doesn’t let him. Instead, he tightened his arms and hug Kyungsoo tighter.

“Kyungsoo, I’m in love with you.”


	4. Tandang pananong

Noon, tanging sa mga sns platforms lamang nababasa ni Kyungsoo ang mga heartbreaking stories Baguio causes couples ngunit ngayon, heto siya mag-isa, at sakay ng bus pabalik ng Maynila, naka upo sa window seat at mata ay walang humpay na lumuluha. Ngayon si Kyungsoo ay isa sa mga biktima ni Baguio sa kung ano man ang galit nito sa pag-ibig. 

  
_'Kyungsoo, I'm in love with you.'_ Patuloy na ume-echo ang anim na salitang binitiwan ni Jongin just a few hours ago. Napapikit si Kyungsoo at muli, ang eksena sa veranda, ang confession ng fuck buddy ay automatikong romolyo na parang silang plaka, paulit-ulit na siya ay pina-paalala. 

  
Ang mahigpit na yakap ni Jongin, ang mainit na katawan ng kaibigan at ang sinceridad ng confession ay nanumbalik. He can feel his arms wrapped around his waist, his lips against the skin of his nape, his warm breath ghosting over his sensitive skin. 

  
Kyungsoo felt a tug sa kanyang tshirt and when he opens his wet eyes, ang concern na katabi ang nakita, the woman and her child is offering the brokenhearted man a clean handkerchief. 

  
Nagpasalamat si Kyungsoo at tinanggap iyon upang punasan ang malulungkot na luha na tila walang katapusan. At muling nagpasalamat sa concern na tanong kung okay lamang siya. He lied saying he's okay even if it's evident that he is not. Malayo sa pagiging okay si Kyungsoo and his tears are enough proof about it. 

  
Nakakatawa, everyone would love to experience the most romantic love confession and when Kyungsoo got his, heartbreak is all it caused him, and Jongin.

  
Noong bata pa lamang si Kyungsoo, he's got this thought that love would only give you rainbows and butterflies, happiness and joy. But when Jongin said those words to him, takot ang nanaig kay Kyungsoo. Takot at uncertain sa feelings ni Jongin. 

  
Tama nga, Love is a powerful emotion. It would hit you straight to the heart without the assurance that you'd get to be fully happy, without the assurance na hindi ka masasaktan. Sa sitwasyon ni Kyungsoo, he's the one who's unable to retaliate but why does it feels like that he's the one who got rejected? Doble ang sakit, ang suntok at kirot na dulot nito sa kanyang puso.

  
Ramdan ni Kyungsoo ang paghapdi ng mata at agad niyang pinunasan ang basa na eyeglasses pagkatapos punasan ang sariling pisngi. Pinigilan niya ang puso na tuluyang mabiyak subalit wala siyang control sa nararamdaman, ang sakit ang siyang namuno at ang utak ay naging talunan. 

  
Muling nagbreakdown si Kyungsoo at hindi namalayan na nakayakap na pala ito sa batang katabi niya, the woman next to him could only pat his back.

  
"Kyungsoo what the fuck! Anong nangyari sayo bakit ka umiyak?" Si Jongdae ang nagbukas ng pintuan para kay Kyungsoo na ngayon, sa laki ng eyebags ay nagmukhang panda.

  
"Dae, hug.." Sa labis na pagod dulot ng kakaiyak, hindi na narinig ni Kyungsoo ang sariling boses, walang kasiguraduhan kung narinig nga ng bestfriend ang kanyang mga hiniling. "Y-yakap.." Pag-uulit nito just in case hindi naintindihan ng kaibigan ang sinabi and in a split second, he's wailing again but not in public ngunit sa mainit na bisig ng kaibigan niya.

  
"God Kyungsoo, what happened? Nabudol ka ba?" Umiling ang humahagulgol at ang leeg ni Jongdae ang tumayong tissue na pumupunas sa kanyang luha. "I'm here Soo, i'll give you more yakap." Marahil sa mga comforting na salita ni Jongdae, o marahil sa nag-uumapaw na sakit at takot, lalong humagulgol si Kyungsoo sa bisig ng kaibigan. Nagdadasal na sana ay maubos na ang luha, sana matapos na ang sakit. 

  
Sapagkat napapagod na siya. Si Kyungsoo, hindi na kaya. 

Balot sa comforter habang nakahiga sa sariling kama, si Kyungsoo ang kwarto ay hindi inabandona. Ang tiyan napabayaan at tanging ang sakit sa puso ang inuna.

  
Jongdae's seated sa gilid, katabi si Baekhyun na ngayon ay labis ang pag-aalala. He never spoke to them, not opening up what occured sa Baguio, not telling them that he just got his own heart broken by rejecting Jongin's love confession.

  
He just lays there, umiiyak ng umiyak. Puso man ay pagod na ngunit ang mata ay nais pang lumuha.

  
"Soo, if you want anything sa labas lang kami ha? Mamamalengke lang kami."

  
"May gusto kang kainin? Wala ka pang kain. Tubig. Tea?" 

  
Walang sagot na ibinigay si Kyungsoo, masakit ang kanyang lalamunan. It's dry at nanghihingi na ng tubig. Pati ang diwa at katawan ay nanghihina. Nais man nitong pasalamatan ang concern na bestfriends, mas pinili lamang nitong manahimik.

  
The second na sumara ang pintuan, lumabas din sa comforter ang braso ni Kyungsoo at kinapa ang cellphone na nasa night stand. Mabilis niya itong binuksan at hindi nagtagal ay sunod sunod na pumasok ang nga mensahe.

  
Maraming mensahe mula sa iisang pangalan. Ayaw man nitong buksan ang chatbox nilang dalawa, tila may sariling utak naman ang mga daliri at binuksan iyon. 

**Jongin:** Soo, where are you?

**Jongin:** Hey, baby, please tell me where you are.

**Jongin:** I'm worried.

**Jongin:** Soo, call me as soon as you get this.

**Jongin:** I'm still here sa hotel room, please come back.

**Jongin:** Kyungsoo

**Jongin:** I'm sorry.

**Jongin:** lets just pretend nothing happened. Please.

**Jongin:** I just feel the need to let it off my chest.

**Jongin:** Mahal kita.

Malawak ma karagatan yata ang mata ni Kyungsoo, hindi nauubusan ng tubig at kahit anong pag-pigil ay patuloy lamang na umaagos ang kanyang mga luha.

  
His heart, clenching painfully inside his damn chest. Masakit. Masakit. Masakit at wala siyang gamot upang pawiin ang kirot sa dibdib. Heck, he doesn't even know what to do.

  
Dumako ang mata sa mensahe, namumuo man ang mga luha at blurry man ang screen sa paningin, nababasa parin niya ang pangalan ng fuck buddy.

  
His stubborn thumbs clicked the reply box and shivering, his fingers are starting to type a message back. _'I'm sorry.'_ He typed but before he could have the courage to send it, his fingers immediately dances against the keyboard to delete the two words he could muster.

  
He will type and delete, not having the courage to face the heartbreak he caused the two of them.

  
At muli, in bold letters, lumabas sa chatbox nila ang bagong mensahe mula kay Jongin.

  
**Jongin:** soo

**Jongin:** fuck kyungsoo asan ka?

**Jongin:** answer me please

**Kyungsoo:** I'm sorry.

**Kyungsoo:** lets stop this.

**Kyungsoo:** paalam Jongin

Supposedly his heart should feel at ease after being honest kay Jongin ngunit sa naging reply niya, ang sakit na nadarama ay tila dumoble pa.

  
"Hot choco?" Isang mug ng tsokolate na may marshmallows ang pumagitna sa view ni Kyungsoo at ng Taal lake.

  
He looks up and mouthed a _'thank you'_ kay Baekhyun para sa mainit na inumin.

  
"Kaloka bading, pang ilang interview ko na to wala paring tumatanggap sakin!" Si Jongdae.

  
Tatlong buwan na ang nakalipas, si Jongdae struggling parin sa paghahanap ng permanenteng trabaho. Unlike Kyungsoo na masaya sa pinagta-trabahuhang restaurant. Dalawang buwan pa lamang ito but atleast his job could somehow divert his brain from stuffs he's wanting to forget.

  
He's not fully recovered yet but atleast Kyungsoo doesn't cry whenever his heart decided to be stubborn upang alalahanin ang mga masasayang ala-alang magkasama nilang binuo. Lucky for him that he gets to learn how to control his tears not allowing it to fall kapag muli siyang ibinabalik ng utak sa mga araw na masaya siya sa mga bisig ni Jongin. 

  
"Madats naman si Minseok, magpakasal nalang kayo at magpaka housewife ka nalang."

  
"Gaga, may pangarap din ako no. Tsaka, ayoko maging pabigat sa kanya. Baka iyon pa maging sanhi ng paghihiwalay namin." Umirap si Jongin before sipping on his tea, eyes on Kyungsoo na nangangalumbaba at tahimik na pinagmamasdan ang natural na ganda ng kalikasan, marahil ay ini-enjoy din ang katahimikan ng lugar. "By the way, nag-aya si Sehun next week sa bahay nila. Lumuwas dahil labis daw tayong namimiss."

  
"Nice. Miss ko na si bunso.. I'm G." Sagot ni Kyungsoo. "Dadalhin daw ba niya si Luhan?"

  
"Nope. Pero sa pagkakaalam ko present lahat. Lalo na at ikaw nalang ang hinihintay." Napansin ng dalawa ang pagbagsak ng expression ni Kyungsoo. "Noted yan. Itetext ko ngayon din si Sehun para hindi ka na umatras." Baekhyun said sarcastically. Tahimik man si Kyungsoo subalit minsan sa katahimikan nasasagot ang mga katanungan.

  
He's not a difficult message to be deciphered with his silence. Sa halip, ito ang naging daan upang mabigyang kasagutan ang mga nais na itanong ng bestfriends sa kanya.

  
Hindi man aminin ni Kyungsoo, naaamoy naman nila Jongdae at Baekhyun.

  
"Kamusta na pala si Jongin Soo?" Kyungsoo's ears twitched at the mention of the name, the small frown in his brows was quick to be noticed by the other two.

  
Upang hindi mapansin ng dalawa ang tension sa loob ng dibdib ni Kyungsoo, pumwersa niya ang mga labi na ngumiti at pinilit na tingnan diretso sa mata ang nagtanong. With shaky voice ay kanyang sinagot ang tanong ng _'I don' t know, we lost communication, wala akong numero niya when I changed sim.'_ He answers, hopeful na bumenta ito.

  
Baekhyun is quick to shrug the answer at ng lumipat ng topic ay inakala ni Kyungsoo na nakalusot siya. Ngunit, ito ang pagkakamali niya. Lingid sa kanyang kaalaman, may ideya na ang dalawa, sila lamang itong naghihintay kung kailan magiging handa si Kyungsoo na magkwento tungkol sa mga nangyaring tanging sila lamang ang nakaka-alam.

  
Maghihintay hanggang maging handa na ang kaibigan nila.

Last minute ay nagcancel si Kyungsoo sa reunion ng barkada. Bukod sa nag overtime sa restaurant, naging magandang biyaya din ang malaking sugat na nakuha sa pagmamadaling pagchop niya ng karne sa kusina and used it as a reason upang hindi makadalo. He only texted Sehun and apologized sa bunso but received no reply. Marahil nagtampo ang bunso.

  
Naglalakad si Kyungsoo sa street nila Sehun. Malalim man ang gabi but the yellow moon is there illuminating his path. Malamig ang yakap ng hangin and oddly, sa hindi maipaliwanag na dahilan ay biglaang kumirot ang kanyang puso. Ang dibdib ay malakas na kumabog sa likuran ng kanyang balat.

  
He wonders why but shrugs it away, marahil ay excited lamang ang puso nitong makasama ang tropa na kay tagal niyang hindi nakita. Well, except kay Baekhyun at Jongdae na halos araw-araw niyang kasama.

  
Nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad, hinayaan ang pares ng paa ang magdala sa kanya sa bahay ng kaibigan. He's not supposed to be here anyway. Not when he's still protecting his heart from breaking further. Three months na ngunit kahit sa simpleng pagbanggit sa pangalan ni Jongin ay nagdudulot parin ng bagyo sa feelings niya. It's unhealthy realizing that he's not completely recovered, heck, he doubts if he's recovering at all.

  
"Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo!" Si Chanyeol iyon at mabilis niyang kinontrol ang feelings ng makita si Jongin na naglalakad kasunod ni Chanyeol. The former is surprised as he is, magaling lang magtago ng reaksyon si Kyungsoo kaya hindi nakita ni Jongin na nasorpresa din si Kyungsoo sa muling pag-iisa ng kanilang landas. "Akala ko ba pass ka? Pero lagi kang pass, nagtatampo na nga ako buti nalang nagpakita ka." Chanyeol's happy na makita ang kaibigan, his big hand ay nasa buhok ni Kyungsoo, ruffling- more likely ay ginugulo iyon.

  
"Dont get me wrong, I came for Sehun and not you." Irap ni Kyungsoo, nakangiting itinulak ang kamay ng tropa paalis sa kanyang ulo.

  
"Wait- sabi ni Baek you accidentally cut your hand? Okay na ba?" Hindi man nakatingin kay Jongin subalit sa peripheral view ay kita ni Kyungsoo na dumako ang paningin ni Jongin sa kanyang kamay. His heart hurts and wished Jongin to stop showing his concern. The more he worries for Kyungsoo, the more the latter gets guilty. Guilty sapagkat alam niyang wala ng pag-asa ang nasira nilang relasyon.

  
"Okay na. Wag kang maarte, malayo sa bituka." Hawak na pala ni Chanyeol ang kamay niya at ng bumalik sa realidad ang utak, kanya itong inagaw pabalik. His cut wound hurts at the sudden movement, inwardly napangiwi si Kyungsoo but is doing amazing to look like he's a numb clown who doesn't feel any emotions at all. Magaling siyang umarteng hindi nasasaktan, Oscar's level at sigurado he had won the best actor award. He's ready to wear the crown and would proudly brags it around. Kasi deserve, deservedT. With a capital letter **T.**

  
"by the way, bibili kami ni Jongin ng alak diyan sa 7/11. Tara!" Hindi pa man pumayag na sumama, si Kyungsoo heto at natagpuan ang sariling naglalakad, hila-hila ni Chanyeol sa direksyon na pinanggalingan. At si Jongin, si Jongin ay tahimik na naglalakad sa kanilang likuran.

  
Mabilis na narating ng tatlo ang convenient store, nag-ikot saglit upang maghanap ng mabibili. Kumuha ng ilang chichirya si Kyungsoo, bumili din ng ilang piraso ng manok sapagkat tirador ng pulutan sina Jongdae at Baekhyun.

  
Jongin's paying for the beers and behind him pumila si Kyungsoo.

  
"Hey, let me pay for them. Lagay mo na." Jongin speaks for the first time for the past fifteen minutes na sila ay magkasama. Muli, tila kutsilyo ay sinaksak nito ang puso ni Kyungsoo, kay tagal man nitong ninais na marinig ang boses ng dating fuck buddy pero the sound of it causes him pain. He suddenly realizes that he wasn't ready.

  
"No. Okay lang. Sumweldo naman ako kahapon."

  
"Just put them, mas mabilis if iisang bayad lang." Jongin wordlessly scooped the items from Kyungsoo's arms and places it down for the cashier to scan the items. "You can just pay me later." Jongin added.

  
Defeated ay nag utter ng mabilis na _'thank you'_ si Kyungsoo at lumabas na upang magpahangin.

  
Fuck it. Malakas ang hangin na ibinubuga ng aircon ng convenient store but Jongin's existence us making it hard for him to breathe. Like Jongin's sucking all the oxygen na para kay Kyungsoo. His lungs suffocating the longer he stands next to Jongin.

  
Chanyeol's nowhere to be found and to divert his attention, hinanap lamang ni Kyungsoo ang kaibigan. But another fuck it moment occured ng muli, muli, MULI ay dumako ang kanyang paningin sa loob ng convenient store, sa counter kung saan kanina ay nakatayo si Jongin. He's not the center of gravity pero romantically speaking, he's Kyungsoo's center of attention sa mga sandaling iyon.

  
He closes his eyes and mentally slapped himself. _'Wake up gago.'_ He would swear sa sarili sapagkat kailangan niya ito, kailangan niyang ipaalala sa sarili na si Jongin ay parte ng kanyang nakaraan at wala sa present- or rather, pinipilit na burahin sa kanyang kasalukuyan.

  
"Lets go na.." Chanyeol's deep yet cheery voice pulls him from his stupor. Jongin is smoking from a distance when Kyungsoo spotted him again.

  
Naglakad ang tatlo pabalik, Chanyeol being the noisy one is laughing loudly sa sariling biro na pati si Jongin na too to understand ay pokerface lamang.

  
Kyungsoo fishes his phone off his pocket upang magcellphone, last resort ng mga awkward na tao to get out of an awkward situation. He's too awkward already, labis ang pagod upang sakyan ang biro ng maingay na kaibigan.

  
"Oh shiiiiit!" Sabay na lumingon sina Jongin at Kyungsoo sa matangkad. "Tangina pre, nakalimutan ko yung pinabibili ni B, una na kayo at susunod ako."

  
"Hindi, hintayin ka na namin dito." Jongin said and Chanyeol jogs himself out of the scene.

Limang minuto ang lumipas, wala parin si Chanyeol at nagsimula nang mangalay ang binti ni Kyungsoo. Maghapon itong nakatayo sa kusina at buong gabi na naglalakad. He's about to lean against the lamp post when Jongin breaks the lingering silence.

  
"Kyungsoo," Bilang center of attention ni Kyungsoo si Jongin, automatikong napalingon sa kanya si Kyungsoo. Their gazes met halfway and Jongin's unexplainable eyes lured Kyungsoo not to break the eye contact. Tila malakas na glue ay doon na kumapit ang paningin ni Kyungaoo. "C-can we talk."

  
"W-we got nothing to talk about Jongin."

  
"I miss you."

  
_I miss you too._ Kyungsoo would want to say pero pinili niya ang safest road away from pain at agad na kinontra ang sariling damdamin.

  
"May sasabihin ka pa?" He asks with a firm tone, not allowing his eyes to mirror his genuine emotions.

  
"One chance, one chance, kahit as a friend. Give me a chance to fix this, us, Kyungsoo.." Jongin begs, eyes swimming in pain, in despair, longing, misery. Kyungsoo would like to reach out, extend a hand to his face and caress his cheeks. Pero he shouldn't.

  
"Jongin walang us, tropa lang dapat at mali ko din na maging fuck buddy tayo. Kaya please, let's lets just stop. Wag ng ayusin at ipaubaya sa oras ang pagkakaibigan natin. If one day we wake up as friends then great."

  
"Kyungsoo-" Nakita ni Kyungsoo ang pagtulo ng mga luha mula sa mata ni Jongin and the sight brings him pain. Quickly he averted his gazes, afraid it would make him weaker as he is. "Please please, nagmamakaawa ako.." Hawak na ni Jongin ang pulso ni Kyungsoo, hands sweaty dahil sa mabilis na pagkabog ng puso. "I love you more than I should and I cant do anything about it. Hindi ko control please," Kyungsoo bit the inside of his mouth upang pigilan ang emosyon na kumawala. "Hindi ko ginustong mahalin ka, crossing the line of what we used to have was out of my control pero wala, minahal ka ng puso ko It longed for you, one chance is all I'm asking." Tumalikod si Kyungsoo, forcing himself not to hear those words sapagkat bawat salitang kumakawala sa dila ni Jongin ay naging malakas na sandata upang sirain ang mataas na pader kay Kyungsoo. "Let me prove it to you." Unti-unting nanumbalik ang hangin sa baga ni Kyungsoo ng bitawan ni Jongin ang kanyang pulso. But he only lets go of it for him to hug the shorter male. Tuluyang nasuffocate ng sakit si Kyungsoo when Jongin back hugs him, resting his cheek sa kanyang balikat. "I love you."

  
"J-ongin, J-jongin I- I-" Kyungsoo stuttered as he looked for the right words to say. Fist clenching harder habang ang leeg niya ay nagmistulang talon dulot ng mga luha ni Jongin. "M-mali na ang maging fuckbuddy tayo. Huwag na nating dagdagan ang pagkakamaling iyon."

  
"Kelan naging mali ang pag-ibig Soo? Wala naman tayong jowa na nasasaktan, wala tayong nilolokong tao. Saan ang pagkakamali doon? Bro code? Fuck the bro code."

  
Bakit nga ba hindi pwede? Bakit nga ba mali? Maging si Kyungsoo ay hindi alam ang kasagutan sa mga katanungan. All he knows he shouldn't love Jongin and that's it. Naguguluhan, nalilito? Naguguluhan. Nalilito. 

Ang kanilang relasyon all this time ay di hamak na tandang pananong. Isang misteryo kung mananatiling fuck buddy, walang kasiguraduhan kung maibabalik ang dating pagkakaibigan, isang tanong kung magiging magkasintahan.

  
"Bigyan na natin ng tuldok to Jongin."

  
"Kyungsoo,"

  
"Tapusin na natin. Pagod na akong mag-isip, pagod na akong masaktan. Wala ka ng aasahan pa." 

  
Pagod. Nasasaktan. 

  
The moment na pinakawalan ni Jongin si Kyungsoo, ay nakakatawang lalong sumakit ang kanyang puso. Tapos na. Kyungsoo smirked painfully. Tapos na. Tuldok na. Si Jongin sinukuan din siya. Ngunit nagkakamali si Kyungsoo ng bigla siyang inikot ni Jongin and immediately cups both of his cheeks. 

  
Their tired eyes met, connecting once more as Jongin leans closer and closer against him. Closing his eyes when Jongin's lips found his. A chaste yet lingering kiss their lips shares.

  
"Kung gusto mo ng space, sige. Ibibigay ko lahat ng space sayo. Pero asahan mong andito lang ako at maghihintay parin. Habangbuhay hihintayin kita." Jongin whispers tenderly, eyes both closed with their foreheads pressed together. "Maghihintay ako kasi mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita Kyungsoo Do."

  
Tuldok para kay Kyungsoo subalit mananatiling tandang pananong para kay Jongin. Tandang pananong dahil para sa mahal, si Jongin ay handang maghintay.


End file.
